Visiting the Vatican is an experience. A very annoying experience! I mean I knew it was going to be crowded as it’s peak summer season, but yeesh. So for starters the week before leaving I tried to buy normal tickets but those were all sold out so I had to shell out a bit more and pay for an audio guided tour, whatever that is. My slot was for 3:30pm and when I arrived the whole scene in front of the entrance was a complete zoo. There’s one line for people with guided tours like mine and then there’s a much longer line for people with regular tickets, so maybe it’s good I got the guided tour. Of course there’s no shade in the lines and everyone is just out there baking. I got there a bit early, so I still had 30 minutes to kill before check-in at 3:15, so I did what lots of other people were doing and having a sit on some stairs in between buildings in the little neighborhood across the street. Every 30 seconds some entrepreneurs would walk up and try to sell you water.
At 3:15 I get in line and fortunately ours is quick, just 10 minutes to get in. From there I make my way to the guided tour area where they tell you a number to go to, and from there you meet in your group and get your audio guide. It’s not like we are some exclusive group in the 3:30 time slot, there’s probably a dozen groups just like mine, all about 20 people deep. After some mild confusion our guide finally comes, and older, soft spoken Italian woman, which isn’t exactly ideal for an audio tour. How it works is she speaks into her microphone and it gets transmitted to our earpiece thingy, because with so many people in the Vatican museum there’s no way you could hear your guide normally.
A bit after 3:30 our group heads out, but first we have to get in line to scan our tickets, and then rather than starting the tour we walk for 10 minutes to a big room which has some big screens on it and gather in front of one. Because there is no speaking in the Sistine Chapel, we are going to get a lesson on the chapel on this screen. And oh man is this boring. This lady manages to make everything as absolutely bland as possible, like if I didn’t actively try and focus my attention my mind would just wander off because it sounded like Ferris Bueller’s Economics teacher. I felt bad for the family who brought their two young kids who had to sit through this. They just took off their earpieces and sat off to the side. But seriously, bringing young kids to the Vatican, how miserable for everyone.
We finally set off, thank god, and work our way up a bunch of staircases, and it just super slow moving trying to keep everyone together. Unlike most museums where there is a bit of wide of open space, most of the Vatican museum is in hallways, of course they’re some of the most beautiful, ornate hallways you’ve ever seen, but logistically getting so many people through these pretty narrow spaces is not great. You basically can’t stop anywhere, you have to keep the flow moving. And of course that doesn’t stop some people from stopping to take photos and jamming everywhere up. There’s even workers who sit there and their whole job is to yell at people for stopping! The whole thing is wild. And in the meantime our guide is pointing out stuff about various things along the way, but most of the time you don’t know exactly which thing she’s talking about because there’s stuff all over on both sides of the hallways, and you only have a few seconds anyway to look at before the tide of people sweeps you further out.
There has to be a better way to run this thing! The Vatican was probably my least favorite museum experience I’ve ever had. I felt like I learned almost nothing, while being actively annoyed the whole time being herded around like cattle. I hardly even took any photos. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a gorgeous place, covered head to toe in such intricate paintings and sculptures, but not for me. And I’m sure our guide is a sweet woman and knows a ton of history, but man talking the way she does is just not very conducive to being an audio tour guide. Anyway we finally get into the Sistine Chapel where it’s no photos and no talking, and I mean it’s pretty cool, but most of the stuff is on the roof and it’s far away and kinda dimly lit, and there is so so much going on it’s hard to keep track of. I kinda wish I watch some youtube videos to prime me a bit before coming. I stayed in there for maybe 15 minutes and then I was pretty happy to get outta of there. Really not my cup of tea. Cool staircase when you’re leaving though.
I was so worn out by the whole thing that I thought about just skipping St. Peter’s Basilica and going home, because I really was not in the mood to wait in a long line and it was already past 6:00, but When In Rome. I made the 10 minute walk over there. The lines were long, but only like 20-30 minutes long, which is nothing for St. Pete’s, very doable.
Wow. Definitely worth it. The place is just unbelievably massive. Photos don’t do it justice how much it just opens up when you step inside. And even though there were a lot of people inside it doesn’t feel all the crowded because you’re able to spread out, and everyone feels so small compared to the massive columns and incredibly high ceilings. It really makes you appreciate the talent and craftsmanship of these people from hundreds of years ago. So I ended the day on a high note. After figuring out a bus to get home it was shower and pasta time. I went for some carbonara, which is a type of pasta I rarely get in the US for some reason, but it was really good, very rich and filling, it basically put me to sleep after being up since 5am.
